The meaning of ‘love’ is quite vague. We ‘love’ chocolate, our pets, a certain city, the curtains in the living room, a particular car. Some people love to hate, and others, as the song says, ‘love the way you move’. Love has been trivialised. It’s just a word we casually throw in front of anything we have a slight affection for.
Even though ‘love’ is loosely used in general conversation, its meaning tightens up in the context of a personal relationship. In this context it’s no longer just a word but an action; love is a verb. When a guy declares his love for a girl, girls have been known to respond by saying, ‘Well show me then’. They want the verb not the word. His actions will determine whether she will love him or not. If he took advantage of her or was abusive to her she has every right to withhold her love and commitment. His actions will qualify or disqualify her love.
According to the Bible, God’s love runs contrary to the conditional love just illustrated. Titus 3:4-5 is an excellent example of unconditional love: ‘When the kindness and love of God our Saviour appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.’ (NIV) Our righteous deeds didn’t qualify us, nor did our unrighteous deeds disqualify us. It’s all about God’s mercy - His irrational, unconditional love. You would think verses like that would make me feel secure in God’s love, but I have struggled with it. I have lived under the black cloud of believing God was disappointed with me, instead of in the sunlight of His unconditional love.
Unconditional love is irrational to the human mind. Conditional love is way more judicious. Love without conditions is a foolish risk, totally open for abuse. Imposing on love the condition of action makes sense and the Bible seems to think so too. ‘If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.’ (NIV) Those verses in 1 John 3:17-18 indicate that action does matter, it counts for something. It appears that what we do signifies whether we have the love of God. Our actions confirm our faith and qualify us as true believers.
So what qualifies us for God’s love? Surely we must have to do something to maintain the love of God. No one would expect a wife to stay with a husband who continually abused her, but isn’t that what we do to God by our continual sinning? I don’t know about you, but I sin all the time. And if I manage to act right, even for just one day, you can bet my mind has failed miserably. This whole experience makes me feel like a fake. How could I possibly call myself a Christian? Surely God has every right to withdraw His love. The consequences of ‘well show me then’ seem painfully obvious.
It might make sense that God’s love is affected by our works, but is it true? Has my struggle with God’s disappointment with me because of my continual sinning have any factual basis? My difficulty with a gospel of grace is not completely unfounded. There have to be some reasons why God loves me. For Him to love me for no reason at all seems shallow. If you were to ask my Dad why he loves my Mum and he responded by saying, ‘No particular reason’ you would probably question if he loved her at all. My Dad loves my Mum and he would have no trouble giving many reasons why.
Does God have reasons for loving me? It almost seems sacrilegious to say I qualify for God’s unconditional love, but it’s true! There are clear reasons why, but I didn’t find them in studying theology or hearing great speakers or listening to ‘worship’ music. I discovered them in a two-year-old child. I have a gorgeous little niece called Isabella. She is my parent’s first grandchild and to say she is the talk of our family is an understatement! She is smothered with love by all of us. I’m sure our family has set a record for the most pictures taken of any object in the world. I’m worried my parents have damaged her eyes from the camera-flash. When I visited her in the United States, I made some observations. Firstly, she does nothing for our family. In fact, she’s a liability. She costs us time and money and does not contribute to anything. She offers little on an intellectual level. I haven’t had one stimulating conversation with her. She reduces my vocab. to a bare minimum. The places we go and our plans are all made with her in mind. Life seems to revolve around her. The only games we play are the ones she likes. If I were to throw a blanket over my head and try to play ‘darks’ with my friends they rightly would call me an idiot. But an idiot is what I have to become when playing with my little niece!
Why does our family love Isabella so much? There are two solid reasons our family loves her unconditionally. Firstly, she has our blood. Because of her blood, even before she was born, she automatically had my loyalty. She can never not be my niece. She will always be my sister’s daughter and my parent’s grandchild. She is ours, one of us, and that fact will never change. Sure, she is naughty and throws tantrums but we would never leave her outside for the night or abandon her. That blood allows us to see past her faults (not deny them) and love her as we love and look after ourselves. The second reason we love her is simply this: she is alive. Nothing demonstrates this better than a favourite picture I have of Isabella on my computer. It is merely a photo of her sleeping. Isn’t it amazing how family members can stand around the bed of a sleeping child and get a thrill from nothing other than the fact she is alive. She doesn’t have to do anything apart from breathe.
Why should God love me? What qualifies me for His irrational, unconditional love? God’s love is securely based on two things that should be obvious by now. Firstly, I have His blood. It was given for me before I was born, even before the foundation of the world (Revelations 13:8). Because of blood I am in Christ and He is in me. Being a child of God is no casual acquaintance; it’s a relationship secured in eternity. But surely I must have to do something to maintain His love and loyalty? Just like my niece, God loves me simply because I exist. I can do nothing to make Him love me more, or less. God gets a thrill from my just being, like adoring parents watching their child sleep.
God loves us; not because we are lovable but because He is love, not because He needs to receive but because He delights to give. — C.S. Lewis
Shouldn’t I act a certain way as a child of God? Definitely! But the power and inspiration to live a life that honours God must come from being secure in the knowledge of His unconditional love. If I don’t come to terms with God’s unconditional love the black clouds of condemnation and disappointment are sure to gather. This is a favourite quote of mine. It’s by Donald Miller from his book Blue like Jazz: ‘Self-discipline will never make us feel righteous or clean; accepting God’s love will. The ability to accept God’s unconditional grace and ferocious love is all the fuel we need to obey Him in return.’ God’s irrational, ‘ferocious’ love is the premise on which the Christian life is lived out. Without unconditional love, Christianity is a disappointing, cold gospel of works.
Why does God love me? Because He can’t help Himself! He is a doting parent who would, and has, given His life for me. Dare to believe in the irrational, ferocious, unconditional love of Christ. It will change the way you live; it will change your world.